Moving to California is bittersweet.
There are some days when I think about it and I want to cry because I’m going to miss my friends so much. I really do have some great friends. Sometimes they’re all I have. We have inside jokes, usual hang out spots, bonds, quirks, memories. I spend almost every day with them. And soon I’m going to have to go to not seeing them at all. But there are other times when I just get so sick of it around here. I get tired of the same routine with the same people that get on my nerved. I don’t like feeling insecure because I might be judged. I don’t like having problems with people but it’s unavoidable because you can’t please everyone all the time. I just want to go some place new and meet new people and start over with a clean slate. It’s so appealing to me. It’s not bad to have mixed feelings about leaving. I just wonder when it comes down to the day of leaving which one will take over.
I think it’s really sad that we just graduated from high school yesterday and you act like a third grader.
Can you please just grow up?
Graduating would feel more real if I didn’t see my friends all the time.
But really, I haven’t gone a single day since school has gotten out without seeing at least one if not all of my best friends so it doesn’t really feel like it’s over just yet.
High school was interesting to say the least.
I don’t know if I would go as far as saying that it was the best four years of my life but it was definitely the most eventful. And tomorrow it comes to an end. Tomorrow I graduate. I’ll miss it. All of it. The good and the bad parts. All of it made me who I am right now. I’m not saying that it went perfectly or that there are things I wouldn’t change but it’s over so it’s pointless to dwell on those things now. I’ve experienced everything that I needed to in high school. I’ve drank, smoked, hooked up, regretted many things, aced tests, failed tests, learned, stressed, laughed, fought, forgave, loved, got my heart broken, fell apart, put myself back together, found out who my friends are, and who they aren’t. I can rule out some options of who I’m not though I’m not ready to define myself yet. I’ve taken what high school has to give me and I’m ready to move on. Congratulation Class of 2012; we did it.
Bad boys are attractive.
I can’t necessarily put my finger on what about them is attractive but it’s definitely there. I think girls think they can change them. And turn them into better people. It’s a challenge. They’re a mystery. They’re dangerous. It’s like an adrenaline rush you get before doing something scary. And it really sucks for the good guys. As lovely as it is to like a good guy they often only get thought of as a friend. Because they’re safe. And reliable. And that’s what girls really want but those things don’t give you the butterflies bad boys do.
Just came back from seeing What To Expect When Expecting
and it honestly just made me want to have a kid that much more. People always look at me weird when I say that I’m want to have a baby. I’m obviously not going out to do it tomorrow but I just get really excited thinking about it. I just feel like I have so much love to give and what better to give it to than a child. Whenever I see the way my grandma is with my mom or the way my mom is with me or the way any loving parent is with their child I want that. I want my life to revolve around making someone happy and giving them what they want and need and having their best interest in mind and helping them through life and being there for them 100%. I want that. For me and my child. I have never been really sure about what path I want my life to take career wise but there has never been a single doubt in my mind that I want to be a mom. I know for a fact that I’ll be terrific at it. I’m going to make an awesome mom. I already love my children so much and I don’t even have any. Imagine how great it will be when I do. Most people don’t understand what I mean unless they’re older but that’s okay. Just don’t think I’m crazy.
